Individual Therapy

“I have Anxiety”

This is what I hear most from individuals seeking therapy. It is the most common presenting issue nation-wide. We all experience some anxiety but too much, too much of the time can cause great suffering.

What we call anxiety also presents as high levels of stress and is intimately connected to, and associated with, self-doubt, or low self- worth. I call this the anxious self-doubt habit of thinking. This is why “Anxiety and Depression” often arise together even if one feels stronger than the other. Anxious thinking is worry thinking about the future. The common thought is “what If” this bad thing happens. It also appears in our lives as impatience, rushing, irritability and anger.

If we try to control too much in our environment, other people, or the future, “anxiety” will appear suddenly if any of our attempts meet with resistance.

How We Make It Worse

 Using the words, “I have anxiety” is not helpful. In this phrase, anxiety becomes a noun, a thing. In our mind it becomes solid, if not permanent. If we say “I” have “anxiety” it makes it sound like a solid thing that is in me. I am identifying with it. We don’t want to describe it this way. It is not solid and unchanging. The worry thoughts, the unpleasant body sensations, the neuro networks in the brain are always changing.  

 We are wired neurologically to avoid  unpleasant feelings and to seek pleasant feelings. Therefore, we try to escape and avoid “anxiety” in many ways. This makes it worse. We also try to rationalize, to think our way out of anxiety, to solve this annoying problem, to fix it for good. This makes it worse because it is a conditioned habit in the brain and does not go away just with rational thoughts. We may try to grit and bear it, push through it, be tough, and hope that it will just go away. This is the opposite of looking at it with curiosity and try to understand it.

 The more we try all these various ways of avoiding, denying or trying to fix the problem, “anxiety” keeps coming back. As a result, we begin to feel more anxiety, like there is something seriously wrong with us, and worry that we will never be normal again. We feel ashamed, confused and out of control. This interferes with a healthy sense of self, our ability to enjoy life and experience peace of mind. It can damage our ability to function successfully in our lives at work and in relationships.

What Therapy Can Provide

Individual therapy is a process of using our awareness and attention to understand, soften and transform unhealthy mental states and to strengthen healthy mental states like kindness to ourselves, peace of mind and enjoyment of life. This is the same process for healing all states of emotional distress that cause us suffering.